So it's been a hot minute.
I'm still here. Still doing things. Mainly parenting and working at the job. That has kept me busier than I ever thought and something had to give and sadly writing has been what has given. Perhaps I need to start again to take better care of myself so I can take better care of the squish, but sometimes sacrifices must be made.
I am taking care of myself in other ways though. I read a whole book! A whole book I say! And I checked out the second in the series to read as well. I'm not spending as much time staring blankly at facebook either.
Honestly part of why I haven't written is because I don't know what to say. Everything seems big and scary and daunting right now. I'm dealing with some depression, but not bad. Just enough to make things a little extra hard. I feel like everything is being held together by tape and I am barely making it. Yet I see the successes I have had and focus on those. For example I got my car registered before the end of August when it was due! Sure it was done on August 30, but still. . .
I had a conversation the other day where I told someone the story of my mental health journey and coming out and how my life has changed so dramatically. It's always fun to tell that story and see or hear peoples reactions. I forget sometimes how far I have come. I forget sometimes where I was vs where I am today and that is sad. I have to remember the past to savor this life I am living right now. I can't forget where I come from and who I was and who I am and try to reconcile my story.
I honestly don't fully know how I got here because it is a series of tiny little baby steps. One single day without self harm. One time of temptation which I overcame. One day where I showered when I didn't want to and ate something healthy even though all I wanted was taco bell. Those little tiny steps led to a major change in my life. Every time I confront a negative thought and dispute the truth of it I grow and move one step closer to healing. Whatever the fuck that is.
I am a success. I am enough. I have lived a lot of life in my 32 years and I will use that to help others.
Keep on keeping on my friends. We're all in this together.