Oh hey, it’s Tuesday! I used to do this thing called “posting a blog” every Tuesday and even some Fridays. Did you know having a baby makes everything about a million times harder?
So hello! Update: Baby Squish started childcare last week. Her parents cried, but she’s in a good school and things are grand!
I had about a week or two of really bad depression. Luckily it passed and I think was situational (have I mentioned having a baby is hard?).
I’m learning so much as a new parent. Especially about myself and who I am as an individual. 19 year old Mason would get irritated when their therapist told them they need a schedule. That having a schedule would make things easier.
That therapist was SO right. Going back to work helped me so much. My brain simply works better on a schedule, and now that the Squish is in childcare part of the time I’m home from work, I’m able to schedule my time more precisely and it makes such a big difference. Scheduling. . . Who knew?
Today I feel like I have so much to say and nothing to say all at the same time. Settling into a new routine is nice. I don’t do well with change and there has been so much change. And that won’t ever stop. Learning to sit with the change and accept it is difficult for me. I want to have a plan. I want to know what’s happening next and how it will go and what I need to do to adjust to it. And I have no idea. Parenting now is not what it will be even a month from now. How my mental health affects me now could change and I will have to adjust to that. Changes at work are happening.
How do I learn to sit with the change and accept it as it comes and work to control what I can and let go of the rest? I’m not sure. I think this will be an ongoing thing throughout my life. I just want to KNOW. And I can’t. I can’t know the future and what will happen or what the best decision is until I just make the damn decision and go from there.
And so I continue to be mindful of this. And to work on it. And to grow and to change and to adapt.
Here’s to embracing change.