Embracing Change

Amazing Friend Erin made Mae Mae onesies!!!

Amazing Friend Erin made Mae Mae onesies!!!

Oh hey, it’s Tuesday!  I used to do this thing called “posting a blog” every Tuesday and even some Fridays.  Did you know having a baby makes everything about a million times harder? 

So hello!  Update:  Baby Squish started childcare last week.  Her parents cried, but she’s in a good school and things are grand!

I had about a week or two of really bad depression. Luckily it passed and I think was situational (have I mentioned having a baby is hard?).

I’m learning so much as a new parent.  Especially about myself and who I am as an individual.  19 year old Mason would get irritated when their therapist told them they need a schedule.  That having a schedule would make things easier.

Guess what?

That therapist was SO right.  Going back to work helped me so much.  My brain simply works better on a schedule, and now that the Squish is in childcare part of the time I’m home from work, I’m able to schedule my time more precisely and it makes such a big difference.  Scheduling. . . Who knew?

Today I feel like I have so much to say and nothing to say all at the same time.  Settling into a new routine is nice.  I don’t do well with change and there has been so much change.  And that won’t ever stop.  Learning to sit with the change and accept it is difficult for me.  I want to have a plan.  I want to know what’s happening next and how it will go and what I need to do to adjust to it.  And I have no idea.  Parenting now is not what it will be even a month from now.  How my mental health affects me now could change and I will have to adjust to that.  Changes at work are happening.

How do I learn to sit with the change and accept it as it comes and work to control what I can and let go of the rest?  I’m not sure.  I think this will be an ongoing thing throughout my life.  I just want to KNOW.  And I can’t.  I can’t know the future and what will happen or what the best decision is until I just make the damn decision and go from there.

And so I continue to be mindful of this.  And to work on it.  And to grow and to change and to adapt.

Here’s to embracing change.