Things are better now than they were the last time I had/made space to write here. The depression has faded to a small background noise which is easily ignored. (Everyone is not actually mad at me, silly brain!)
Life is progressing. Next week the wife goes back to work and the squish goes to childcare. And so another phase begins.
I'm learning that the only constant will be that nothing is constant. Change is constant. We just took squish to her two month doctor's appointment today. She is growing like a weed. It's hard to believe it's been two month since she was born. Time is flying and yet it is creeping at the same time. I know we are headed for a potentially big transition with the wife going back to work and the squish going to childcare. And yet I think the transition will be harder on them than it will be on me.
I will still wake up at the break of dawn and make lattes and clean things. But my wife's life will change immensel. And my squish... I think she will transition more easily than we will. But we will see. Everything is changing and yet staying the same. I'm learning to rest in the uncertainty. To relax into not knowing what the next stage will bring.
The fact is, I don't know. And I'm having to learn to be ok with that.