At 20, I thought this illness would destroy me

I am currently a whirlwind of emotions.

I’m getting jobs writing blog posts for other companies.

This baby is coming within the next few weeks.

I am being published in 3 magazines.

I am living a life I never thought possible.

Today my therapist asked me if I ever thought I would be where I am today.  The answer is no.  She then asked me where I thought I would be at 31 when I was 20.  The answer is dead.

I never thought I would live to see 30.  I thought I would kill myself or die in some unfortunate accident before I could see the age I have already passed.

And here I am.

Living a life I couldn’t even imagine a mere 10 years ago and I am thriving.  I am living an amazing, beautiful life full of love and community and confidence and all of these foreign things I used to run from and I don’t even know what to do with all of the feelings.

I am excited about this new life I get to help shape and form and simply watch go from being a literal blob on an ultrasound to being a real live human being.  I am excited about this relationship I have with the most amazing woman I know.  I am excited about the work that I do and the work I hope to create.  I am excited about so many things that I don’t know how I haven’t burst into excited flames and burned down this city.

Life is beautiful and sometimes I don’t know what to do with that beauty.  So I sit down and write.

If things are hard right now, keep pushing.  If you can’t imagine life right now, keep pushing.  Sometimes staying alive is the greatest achievement of one’s life.  I know it is of mine.

Keep going.  One minute at a time.  You can do this.  You are more powerful than you could ever imagine.  Breathe in, Breathe out.  Keep living.

You are a badass.