I don't know. And that is beautiful.

We got a *couple* of pictures. . .

We got a *couple* of pictures. . .

I don’t know what to write about tonight.  And I know there are a bunch of you going “REALLY!?!?”  But I don’t.  

Today we found out we’re having a baby girl.  Which brings a goofy grin to my face every time I think about it.  I’m excited to be having a girl.  I would be excited to be having a boy.  I’m just really excited.

But in the end none of that matters.

And so, I don’t know what to write about.

I could talk about how sex and gender aren’t the same thing and how gender is a social construct and how making everything pink and blue is dumb, but honestly I’m not feeling it.

Maybe I’m just not feeling much tonight.  Maybe I’m feelinged out.

It’s been a HUGE week you guys.  Last Tuesday I interviewed for a promotion and it was a very intense interview (it went well, no word yet on the job.).  Today we found out the sex (not gender) of our baby.

My eyes hurt because I forgot to wear my reading glasses today as I stared at the screen trying to will words onto the screen.

This life we live.  It is a big and scary thing.  Because we don’t know what’s going to happen next.  And try as we might, we cannot plan for the future.  Not really.  We can make guesses and stabs as to what might happen, but we can never really know.

Will I get this job?  I feel like I probably will, but I don’t know.  What will my baby be like?  I’m excited to find out.  Will my mental health remain stable?  I’m going to do everything I can to keep it so.

Merlin doesn't care about the future. 

Merlin doesn't care about the future. 

But I don’t know.

And I hate not knowing.

And so I’m working on embracing the unknown.  Sitting down and loving on the fact that the future is a complete mystery.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

And maybe that is beautiful.

Bring it on life.

Surprise me.